Monday 13 October 2008

Comparing Ourselves To Others - The Good and The Bad



When we compare ourselves to others we can often feel negative because they're better at something than we are or have something we don’t. BUT comparing ourselves with others can also motivate us to do better. I know that when I realised just how good a saver my mum has been, even though times have been very hard for her, I compared myself and how I’d got into debt instead of saving and was motivated to sort my finances out and save more myself.

There are areas where comparison is natural, like during sports events. But in those situations there are rules to be followed whereas life in general has no such rules.

Comparing ourselves to others has almost become a cultural norm in the UK and undoubtedly in many other parts of the world, too.

There’s a huge difference between comparing yourself to others with envy and learning from their successes and failures though. Isn’t it better to use comparisons to improve rather than berate yourself?

Life isn’t some kind of competition - it’s a personal journey to be lived in the way that’s best suited to the individual. When we start trying to live like ‘everybody else’, we end up losing our own sense of purpose and can even forget who we actually are. I know all about that because it’s happened to me and as much as we may believe it, the grass truly isn’t greener on the other side.

It’s really just a matter of putting more focus on going where you want to go with your life and who you really are instead of trying to follow the pathes of others? When you’re enjoying who you are, what you're doing and what you have, it’ll won’t matter that you’re not great at drawing, dancing the jitterbug or doing cartwheels, don’t own your own home, drive a fancy car or earn as much as your neighbour. All that will really matter is what you have, what you believe, where you’re heading and what your personal place is in the big scheme of things.

Sharon J

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25 comments:

Sharon S said...

Hi there-a great post. It's essential to appreciate what you have already as opposed to what you think you want in life.

Unknown said...

Wise words indeed Sharon. Once you learn to love yourself (not in a self centred way), then you can truely love others. Keeping up with the 'Jones' really sucks and envy gets you nowhere.

Gav

Sharon J said...

@ Sharon Rose. I think a lot of us tend to think we want things that we don't. I put it down to the 'magic' of advertising.

@ Gavin. I so agree. Envy is a horrible thing and jealousy even worse. People who are like that just make me want to stay well out of their paths.

Anonymous said...

It is certainly about being true to yourself and that is never a bad thing!

What a great post!

Jade of the Jungle said...

It's also about comparing yourself with others on the right things. There are traits I see in people that I aspire to have, because it will make me a happier, more well rounded person.(and sometimes I see a character trait in a person and think phew, at least I'm not that horrid/obsessive/bitchy/boring!)

j x

Lizzie @ her homeworld said...

I am like Jade. If I see somethng I like in someone then I think it opens my eyes to what I can be/have. Like voluntering, just for an example. It never occurs to you (me!) that this could be you and suddenly it seems so obviously a part of life which is missing. Okay, it made sense in my head even if not brilliant written down!
Lizzie

donna said...

great post sharon! your writing is so inspirational. i think in order to become content we have to stop comparing ourselves to others- it's not easy thing to do , infact we are encouraged to compare ourselves to friends people in the media etc, but i think even being aware of the problems this leads to can help.

Jack said...

What an insightful post. I mean, it's all very intuitive, but it's always nice to see it written out that way. Thanks Sharon!

J

http://adventuresinvoluntarysimplicity.blogspot.com/

Sharon J said...

@ Frugal Trenches. Too true :)

@ Jade. Absolutely. As I said, it was through my mum's influence that I realised that I could do better when it came to saving (which also led to getting rid of some of that ugly debt!) and there are plenty of other examples I could give where comparing myself to others have influenced me positively. Hence 'the good and the bad' :)

@ Lizzie. It made perfect sense :)

@ Donna. You're right about the media - they're always telling us we're not good enough if we're not as good looking or have as much stuff as others. Advertising has a lot to answer for.

@ Jack. You're welcome, mate :)

Catz said...

How very wise sharon! Agree totally with Gavin as well!

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